What I Learned On This Friday

February 10, 2012 § 4 Comments

Me, the Hero: “Hello, thank you for calling my book store. We sell books and book accessories. Because that is what we are: a store that deals with books.”

Her, the Villain in this story: “Yes, hello, do you know what the exact specifications are for a piece of luggage on an Air Canada flight from here to Mexico?”

Me: “Did you even listen to what I said?”

Her: “Hmm? What was that? 7 pounds?”

Me: “Goodbye.”

And later…

I learned that we sell a magazine that is exclusively devoted to mermaids and their needs. No, it’s not, as you might imagine, a magazine about mermaids. Rather, it is a magazine for mermaids.

I imagine it’s on high-gloss paper so it’ll survive underwater, or else we have a terrible danger in our midst: mermaids who can walk among us. Or flip along on their tails, I guess. In any case, run away! Or again, with the flippers, just move quickly.

My favorite type of customer: the Chihuahua. I call them Chihuahuas because this is the sort of customer that views everything around them as a threat, but are too timid to do anything but bark ferociously.

I approached one today, misreading her furtive glances around the store (a threat assessment technique: my section was apparently at “Pre-emptively Pee Your Pants” level) as the hallmark of one searching for assistance. I, pleased to offer such assistance, inquired as to whether she did in fact, require assistance.


Further misreading her curt response and insistence on not meeting my eyes, or even turning towards me (threat level increased to “Shit is approaching real” status) as being content without aid, I then offered her a coupon we had that day for her benefit. A coupon that, as she was holding some books in her hand I can only assume she wanted to purchase, would have saved her money.

She took it out of my hand (again, without looking at me. I assume the sight of my beard would have scarred her for life) and walked away while I was in mid-sentence. Her retreat was not dignified, but not hasty. She was, and remains, the victor in this encounter.

And the majestic Chihuahua lives to fight another day, albeit in a world where normal human contact is impossible and you appear downright rude. But hey, no worse than the people that watch their children make a mess of my store and do nothing. At least the Chihuahua doesn’t bring the brood with them.






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