I am an ARTIST

October 2, 2011 § 6 Comments

I was at Nuit Blanche last night, and because I am a terrible writer and haven’t written in like, a week, I channelled my creativity into more profitable arenas.

Correctly realizing that unlike writing, art is the big money, I decided to shift this blog into an art blog. Because I am an artist, and much like engineering, I imagine them to be interchangeable. And no, I have not been classically trained. My creative drive would be stifled. Or something.

My first post, then, will be my ideas for future Nuit Blanche events. No stealing please, it took my friend and I all of ten minutes to think of these.

Crappy Art: We go out and buy the worst art possible from art students. Preferably things which are obviously crap, and hang them in a gallery. The show will say that it’s all about appreciating art in all its forms and how bourgeois “norms” mean that perfectly good “art” is rejected as not being good enough. People will be free to explore the gallery at their leisure and take in “art” that would normally be rejected.

That will be bollocks. The real installation will have an artist, who is leading each group and explaining the value of the art and some crap like that, and using some form of deployed gas, basically let loose a SBD. A video camera will then capture the expressions of the people as they are forced to endure the smell and question who in the group did it. This will explore human-human interactions, suspicion, and showcase how hard it is to live with other people.

And in actuality, we’ll have those videos to enjoy for years to come. Years. The look on their faces as they slowly realize that yes, they are smelling something, and that yes, it was someone around them. It could even have been them!

Art is very mature. Plus, I would totally need that grant money to make the best sort of fart-gas dispenser.

Falling up: an installation that will explore motion and our dependence on technology. It will be an escalator that looks like it’s not moving. However, as people start to walk down the steps, it will suddenly start and stop, likely at random.

The joke will be that going down the escalator will be entirely optional. The actual art piece will be to watch the people falling. Art is very deep.

Drowning in money: In an attempt to protest how commercial art has gotten, the artist will convert every dollar of grant money and sponsorship received into pennies or nickels. They will then fill a pool with them and swim through it, showing how difficult it would be to actually do so, and metaphorically “drown” in the sea of money that reflects the state of modern art.

Oh, and this music will be playing the entire time:

The money pit will mysteriously disappear at the end of the night.

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