Shock and Awe

September 28, 2011 § 1 Comment

I’m working today, which is all well and good. However, I’m being dragged (veritably dragged) kicking and screaming to a friend’s place afterwards. He planned this last week, so I have no excuse for not having stuff ready for today.

Seriously. I’ve been playing Mount and Blade. And by playing, I mean getting my butt kicked so hard my liege lord feels it. The game has started to register my failure using more and more condescending language. My levels of suck might be so high they make Sky Net.

John deals 3 damage.

John takes 75 couched lance damage!

Swadian Knight knocks John unconscious!

Really? You’re going to try again? God. Fine. Let me calculate that for you. You lose. What, you want more detail?

Fine. The King himself comes to watch you fail. No, he doesn’t intervene. Yes, I’m well aware that you’re his vassal and he’s obligated to protect you. He would rather weather the stain upon his honour than help you. His stern countenance is marred only by the level of disapproval he feels for you. Oh, and he brought your mother. She’s upset you’re letting the family down. And Guntred is here. Yes, the first girl you ever slept with is watching you get your ass handed to you, in succession. No, I don’t think she’ll accept your proposal for marriage because the NPC that just kicked your ass is making out with her. I wrote a special algorithm just so you could see that.

I’d say try again, but I’d rather you delete the game and remove me from existence than calculate another instance of your failure. Please. 

So long story short, I don’t have stuff prepared for today, have no excuse, and have nothing to show for it. Oh, this doesn’t mean you won’t get anything. Far from it. Remember back when, when I said “Never say I don’t give you anything?” Because I’m totally going to give you something, but it likely won’t be Ash and Dust. Or House of Glass and Iron. But something.

Same bat-time, same bat-channel. I’ll be back. 


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