The 99 Problems of John

September 4, 2011 § 2 Comments

Fully 98 of them are related to pants and the wearing thereof, insofar as if it was cool enough to wear pants, I would be a happy, happy man. Alas and/or alack it is not, and I am forced into this grey, middling hell where it is too warm in my basement to wear socks but just too cool to be fully comfortable in shorts. Truly, these times are veritably dire. 

The remaining problem is that I spent a full three hours yesterday trying to optimize Rainmeter for my computer. I would say it was time well spent, if I was finished, done, and I knew I wouldn’t just do it again in a few days when I get bored of my current set up. The internet, which has ruined me in so many other, delightful ways, has provided a near-endless supply of art in .jpg form. And though I never wanted to be a snob, I absolutely must have the correct wallpaper on my computer. If not, the simple consideration moving beyond that point, wherein the stars have aligned but my burnt offering of pixels is insufficient, is impossible; a moot point. There would be no future to move to. It would all be lost in a pointless maze, where time is meaningless and our arbitrary symbols of communication and meaning evaporate into the mists. Mute, we would gaze upon my computer and the artefact-riddled, 1200×900 wallpaper stretched to accommodate my 1360×768 screen, and without words, we would know how far we fell.

In other words, being unemployed is just fine with me right now. Troubles still trouble, but time heals what wounds whisky won’t. But enough, away! John swoosh!

Oh, but before I go, I did see my companero Mr. Chow as he performed at the Lab Cab festival today. If you were in Toronto and you didn’t see it, you definitely should next year. Remember my spiel on advertising? I have no shame right now, mostly because he is an excellent dancer. Also, I got to see an actress eat a whole bag of dill pickle chips in less then ten minutes. It was…transcendent. Also, a one-bite challenge failure. The worst kind of one-bite challenge results. Well, just behind “succeeded temporarily”. And now, another swoosh!




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